Amazing cartoon-o-text follows:

Sexy tax-y time... WHAT THEY SAY:

7. Capital gains summary

You must fill in the Capital gains summary pages and attach your computations if in the tax year:
. you disposed of chargeable assets which were worth more than £40,400, or
. your chargeable gains (before the deduction of any losses) are more than £10,100, or
. you want to claim an allowable capital loss or make any other capital gains claim or election for the year, or
. you were not domiciled in the UK and are claiming to be taxed on your foreign gains on the remittance basis, or
. you have made for a previous year an election for foreign losses accruing when you are not domiciled in the UK to be allowable, and foreign chargeable gains (which accrued in or after the first year covered by that election but before 2010-11)
- were remitted to the UK in 2010–11 and
- are chargeable on the remittance basis.
If you are not domiciled in the UK and are chargeable on the remittance basis, then in applying the above limits include the proceeds from the disposal of any non-UK asset to the extent that the gains from that disposal are remitted to the UK.

(from http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/worksheets/sa150.pdf)


WHAT WE SEE:

7. Capital Radio Ginger Summer

You must fill in the Clappy Ginster sump phages and attach your comestibles if in the taxi yacht:
. you displayed cheeky assets which were well worth it, or
. your battery charger (before the destruction of any lollies) is more than tent Snooki, or
. you want a clam, an apple car-park or mess any dark stranger Captain Birdseye or Duran Duran for the cruise, or
. you were not homicidal in the yurt and are claiming to be Chuck Norris on your flappy gams on the Placebo bassist, or
. your maid, a preening bear, Jonathan Franzen, friendly lasses cooing, you are not a missile to be an adorable owl, and funky M.C. Gainey (Witch! Crude! In a rafter! The First Cut Is The Deepest, covered by Then Jericho before they split up)
- oven mitts in Miss Selfridge, in GAP and
- R Kelly charged with Mike Mills in a trance
If you are not Arndaled in the westernmost and smallest of Canada's three federal territories and arch-angel Gabriel on the Points Of View, Lenin applying make-up, The Outer Limits, including OJ Simpson from the disco salon of any Nanook Of The North, with a sextant, gin, from that disco sale, are Big Ted and Hamble from Play School.

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@ hmrc.gov.uk

(Spelunky is on the computer, Nesbit is watching alongside)

Spelunky: ""Question Seventeen (17) B: What is the capital of Kyrgyzstan?" I can't even pronounce Kyrgyzstan!"

Nesbit: "These get odder every year."


Spelunky: ""Question Eighteen (18): How many Nitrogen atoms are there in British fashion lady Cath Kidston?""

Nesbit: "Hmm... about 8 times 10 to the power 25 (8x10^25). She's married to Hugh Padgham(*), I know that."

Spelunky: "I'll put "Hugh Lloyd", s'close enough." (Spelunky taps away at the keyboard)

(* Famous music producer from the Eighties)


Nesbit (looking away from the screen): "These crazy HMRC dudes, they're like crackheads on acid."

Spelunky: "What does "Player Two - Insert Coin To Continue" even mean?"